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 （异色， Abintra by Rurutia is great song) 1. There's a teeth rotting away, I didn't notice it till tonight, and it's doesn't seem small. I felt the pain some time ago all the way into my ears and i thot tt was due to i blasted my music too loud. I'm going to visit dentist...sigh.... I hate people tearing down my whole head via the place i eat, kiss and talk crap. No, especially not NAO~, let me finish my presentations TV recording and exams first... Anyway the pain is still bearable... 2. Have you ever wanted to help someone so badly and the person turn you down like how you treat your parents. Maybe I'm an ordinary mass product of the society. I'm glad you can remain so true as an artist and not to give in even the slightest when it comes to quality and soul of your works. No, I'm not angry, I'm just a lil upset and worried for you. Each individual is different and I have no right to change you. But this is your life and you suffer from your own choices. I hope I can just pay you to draw at home and stay happy, how i wish it's tt simple. When your frustration from these sufferings become anger, ok, I'll take it if that makes you feel any better, or at least not worse. Because we're 'brothers'. A lot of things become needless to say. And I can't stop nagging u...= =+ Pardon me, L. Current Mood: 异色人生
Current Music: Abintra- Rurutia
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Yesh...i'm fa-king busy... New yr cant swear ma, so i wished i 发发发～wahahaha～～ SOYA just finished, and went to teach right away aft tt, and i dont know why am i so tired even my knees are aching... Sold Deland's prints at SOYA and thank you everybody for your support! I will try to find time to send all de profit to her by next week, yes she is still talking to me about V6 and random stuff, we talk everyday random har har har. I think im gg insane. I must repeat（and modify) Jerm's line: Dear god, pls save me from the last few weeks of school. I have spend the last year well with effort and the heart into everything i do, so please bless me with appropriate results in this final judgement. And yes i'm not religious...= = bt god show me u exist!!Oh yeah~~ I really want a good sign. Do you understand. And i promise to work hard with good concentration this year. No more time to waste, i'm gg to turn 22. This scares me alot more than it makes me happy, I've not achieved anything at all in all my previous 21 years of life. And i still have alot of things to clear up/sort out. My duties. I've realised how little entertainment i have. I study in the day and do work at night till 2,3,4am, almost never watched tv. Weekend is for proj or teaching and essay, I have no concept of having fun at all this is just automaticamente. I have little desires and can let go of almost everything if there is a need, I appreciate but i seldom celebrate. I watch but rather not participate. And really cant be bothered to communicate to a deeper extent... Wells i think i am alright, bt since when did i start to become so calm and unmoved. My mind is on the only 1 and maybe 2 things. Work and succeed....I've found this state to be the best for working undisturbed living peacefully and have since adopted this lifestyle. Older people have learnt to pretend. I think i do not like many things bt do not wish to pretend so i just stayed neutral...H2O state. Should i spend the energy and risk to engage in something unpredictable again. I really cant be bothered...bt yes i will be thinking about it too.. ---------- I think I'm just vy tired n depressed ------------- Nah, go sleep first, pls let me wake up with a better mood. ciel Current Location: miles away or inches apart?
Current Mood:  disappointed
Current Music: 流年 Faye wong
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I've had a handful for the past year. Ended something which isnt so pleasant, went to China hometown twice, met the people i admire, lots of school work and work outside. Taught in Hwachong for the first time and tried an assistant bartender job which totally kills, had lots of great fun with friends, started DSLR photography, becoming closer with the person i treasure, turning a fan of V6.... I can't even think of everything at once...so much have happened, ups and downs...tears and joy.. but all is starting to feel better as i spoke to Deland yesterday. It seems as if some kind of sign is showing itself: everything's gonna be better. We ended our year talking about all the trivial things that made us happy, and felt truly satisfied. Because of your presence, because we exist to make each other's day. It's great i'm alive to share this moment with you. And I hope there are many more such moments to come. I believe in future. I'll make it for you. To everyone reading this( know there are many of u who simply dont comment or isnt registered....TOT): Happy new year!! Don't be afraid, everything will be better. Believe in it, because you can make it better. Because you live this moment to feel the vibes in your heart. Tags: happy
Current Location: so close
Current Mood:  satisfied
Current Music: ちぎれた翼
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Well yes i am updating, it's scary consider how busy i am recently... sleepless nights, and always awake b4 2,3a.m doing smth..ToT Been shooting alot for magazine proj, booked studio lights n room fr 9am-6 on weds to shoot, bt might over run to 10pm|||| argh. I enjoy shooting bt my body cant take it. Had severe headache aft sat's shoot. I'm a perfectionist who like to do everything by myself. Make up, style, hair, nails, pose, lighting and bg...etc...everything needs my personal attention and there's only so much time and strength I have... By de time i've finished with the preparation I'm already starting to feel tired..= =``` My fren says(and yes i also feel) that i'm really weak. I feel tired easily and am always sick. She says that my face is sorta grey without make up..TOT (REALLY???) Last yr doc said tt i dont have enough blood and blood pressure is too low, wonder what is it like now...bt it's irritating when you have the will but not the physical strength... CNY is this coming sunday and omg i think, i've not done any preparation at all and have accumulated enough work to kill my CNY time with.... great.. And i think will cut hair soon cos i feel my current image is not matching my mentality and thinking anymore. Too young too punk ToT Need to plan Wednesday's multiple shoots: Concept, make up, dressing, style, backdrop....talent..  ***Have you used any moment to think about the possibilities of us...you wrote it in someone else's story, yet it pinches. Current Mood: possibility
Current Music: 累了
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Eh, tired, btw, oh well let's just do some updates again.. *I'm having gastric problem again.... *I want you to get addicted to me, no matter whatever you, or I think it is about now. *Ciel is getting more workaholic and less sentimental than ever...ToT Freedom is love love, and love is kinda not on my list now, and i have no idea why too, it just came naturally this way, and i enjoy doing all the things i'm doing now, i have no mentality or sense for love at all leh, I am blur. Is this a bad thing? Sorry ah..TOT i dint feel a thing... *Seriously what i am addicted to at the moment is advertising and i've been reading books. *Ok the most current thing(s) i'm doing now is trying to relax in de holiday with all the school works tt i still cant escape from... Will do sm reli last min xmas shopping tmr...I dunno what should i be getting or should i be spending money, I'm still saving for my D90, hai, but it's ...xmas|||| * EOY's over, and it's really over this time. Although i sorta knew it long time ago, wells, i still dunno what i should say nao, besides feeling i'm getting older and a chapter in my life has came to an end. EOY is where i met some of de best and de worst people in my life. And it's a habit tt i nver thought of quitting. What can i say, when ppl r not appreciative the world fell apart? = = * My Shanghai internship thing is still hanging, dunno haf or not..bt went for 2 mediacorp tests...although i thought i might be joining some advert firm in de end. * It's the end of another year...sooooooooo fast fast fast ah... Wells, the best thing is i'm finally out fr de muddle of relationship and back on track and moving fast, btw, i wonder why was i even inside de first place...ToT waste whole yr soooo long to get out, KNS. *I've heard complaints, tt i like to deny my own mistakes and have a bad temper etc, wells, i think, it's just side effects of getting back urself, maybe i'm speeding a lil. BUT NO! Some of these are reli not my damn fault, it's diff in POV. We're still good frens, seriously, bt i would like u to communicate with me properly. I felt framed n labeled. *Maybe you just happen to know me when i was broken and soft-shelled. BTW, Sorry, THIS is my true nature. I know what I'm meant for and Don't you ever stop me. *Ciel is gg to long-waited Sashimi buffet TOT For a moment like this, somebody wait a month time....argh better be good. * I realise i have no life and no love man, i dun feel guilty abt work work work n no life...gosh.... Hmm, maybe, den again, I've got perfectly what i want right here, not so close but nicely reachable. I stopped seeking for more decadence. *Damn it i ran out of panadol. Xmas present gimme tt somebody? zzzzzz  Oh yeah, sorry, Merry Xmas everybody, Have a nice one and I know all of us will have a better year next year, it's all in the mentality.
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心有余悸，却在劫难逃。 我用了5年把你永生铭记，也用了5年想将你忘记。 日复一日，年复一年。 虽然经历了别的人和事，难以相信你还是那么特别。 独一无二。 原来我还是这么传统，没办法自助。 只对你而已，没有假面，只有小心。 在遥远的地方将我纠缠，牵动着心脏的血肉。 一直裹足不前，笑，可能真的开始不再年轻。 你说的没错。因为深爱，所以反而不敢尝试。 因为害怕失去，但也害怕还没有尝试就老去。 我们已经不陌生了，对吗。我们是兄弟，是难得的朋友。 一辈子都不要变。只要你在身边，就算这样也很满足。 每个人都守望着自己的那片寂寞，想，到底停在哪里好。 我说，停在不伤害彼此的那个地方吧。 想要在冬夜一同看雪，是和你。 想要的是平静美好的生活。 你知道我为什么会感同身受吗？傻子。 我不相信，不相信。然而愿意等就有都值得的一天吗？ 在虚无的世界，你是我最后的目标。 想要彼此都能创造出价值。 为何世事多无奈，没有固定答案。 也只能不管哪条路都义无返顾和你走下去。 我以为你话中有话，原来不是对我说的。而我话中的话，你是故意没听见吗。 Some people have to say, some people only want to play, some people... Current Location: Nowhere close
Current Mood: foolish
Current Music: Some people-Goldfrapp, How my heart behaves-Feist，Rise-Azure Ray
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Finished ONE SHOW submission at 1130pm. 30 mins b4 deadline last night. Me and dada were both exhausted, she usually sleep ard 10. Can't seem to get any bus in e deserted looking place, so i've decided to walk home. A 30 mins walk shouldn't be so hard, especially after 9hrs non stop brain work. So i walked home hoping to clear some headache..Tt was ok. Showered, and when i step out de bathroom i slipped n fell into a bucket of water, toppled it, soaking wet, had to change again. Tt was ok too. People slip n fall once in a while, floor slippery. So damn it i changed. Today received letter fr organisor saying resubmit as jpg asap, dada has the final files, bt she doesn't know how to convert to bigger files. So i asked a fren in msn on how to convert since i cant really recall without the files, kenna scolded for not submitting earlier, and not having brought the final files home etc. Wells, i was reli tired n headache, besides my temper has went really bad(?) recently, i felt really bad. For someone who hasnt gone through all de hours of work, saying "it's ur fault" can be more than easy. Blame me, just blame me, for choosing to join de competition, for choosing the partner, and not bringing de files home when it's already so late n ppl's family all needs to sleep. From his perspective, alright, these blames can stand alone. For me, i'm reli tired and i dunno wassup when i try to ask for help. I've tried to make this submission a reality despite all de other deadlines i have. And yeah i did it, i dont have to but i pushed my limits to make a difference. He's a close friend, I've always look up to him and i dunno why recently this have happened repeatedly. He's starting to feel like my dad which scares me. Good intentions i guess, but i don't wanna talk abt my situation anymore. Sounds like excuses to him. Maybe when things pile up and ppl gets confused such things will happen. But it's not likely i can clear my schedule to just few things at a time in life. We all need to understand and support each other really. Still thank you for sharing your point of view so i may perform better next time. Headache is still here. Current Location: unfinished
Current Mood:  silly
Current Music: Emo
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ToT The real song title is Annie use you telescope, by Jack's mannequin. Andrew wrote it for his wife Annie for surviving cancer with him. He say anytime you want me annie your telescope but i think if you really wanna find your (leukemia) husband immediately, please use a cell phone...Antique is romantic but i'd rather be safe with the one i love. Neverthless i love this faintly surreal song very much. Andrew is a charismatic man. Wells, I'm not sure i can;t sleep becos of the unfinished essay or Chinese tea..bt i'm doing the essay and sidetracking lj now... Me quitting thumper next week, this week didn't work as i kenna fever, the ouch thing is i start to feel the itch just after not working for 1 week... does that mean i'm addicted to clubbing via my work? O_o I doubt i will have the time and energy to club in the upcoming....prolly 10 mth since it's the last part of year two followed by internship. Urrrghh... About the internship, i'm totally confused and headache liao. I know i have to secure a good place which looks reli good but still allow me to use my ability and talent to score. Bt i want english media instead of Chinese media which i know i can do well... The whole lot of procedures and fights is just disgusting. Self-exempt fr this topic for now. zip. Abt EOY, aft lots of brain stirring i think i;m gonna be doing, or base my cosplay on this Chinese artist' work on Tang dynasty. Will re-design the costume, just use her image as the big idea. I haven't got the time to finish reading the story but the characters all look amazing, only decided today, and there's like...1 mth to finish everything with all my school work? Gosh I'm suiciding again... the pic of my character...gorgeous isn't it....but i intend to modify the look...  Need to go Chinatown....argh...tmr got 2 projects, and the past 2 days was pure stay home do work as well... relac relac...will make it...sleep...dear ciel.... Current Mood: insomnia
Current Music: Annie use your telescope
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Two unbelievably peaceful and refreshing week. Lived my life like an ordinary Chinese in a small city. I never would expect myself to be touched by this kind of life, which i thought would be enclosed and boring. But at the end of the two weeks i didn't feel like coming back. It's not too bad to just stay in a small place and live their life. I went to the market by the road side, cooked lunch for my families, walked ard the city on my two feet and enjoyed local tv shows with my cousin and lots of local snacks at night. I didn't really do anything else than all these but that's good enough to make this trip one of the best in many years. Day after day... it was so comforting, it shocked me more than anything else thats glowing in this city i'm send back into again. I realised I've been going too fast. Everyone here has. And we can't help it. Back at my hometown being slow isn't a crime, but a lifestyle. And they're not backward at all....the town is comfortably modern and they have some services that's better and never seen before here. E.g. Helpers Pte Ltd that help anything n everything u need: Q 4 u, delivery, buy ticket, order stuff, companion...; The local food is so much fresher, i think i gained some weight relaxing there. Local shopping centers is not as cheap as i thought, in fact their shoes and clothes can be more expensive than here...which is kinda scary. Neverthless daily consumer products are more than affordable, one bunch of spring onion would only cost 10cent RMB(=2 Singapore cent) that i began using it as my measurement unit...E.g Cab starting fare would be 50 bunches of Spring onion....that pair of shoe is 16000 bunches of spring onion... I love the place, it felt more like a home ...Singapore feels like my company...I have to work nonstop (of course it's my entertainment and challenge too). (Gosh I'm starting to think like a real China girl...) I would more than welcome to go back there again for peaceful holidays, u can ring me like hell bt my phone's not roaming and i wont bring my laptop muahahaha~~ And i need to go shanghai nxt yr~~~~ And I could finally purchase my DSLR now..though i'm still waiting for THE deal to appear.... So lemme bring my DSLR next yr to China again~~ Here comes da pics(by crappy handphone cam again..ToT)! My Cousin (XY, although her eyes are huge...but i hate u for questioning if we are truly relatives...ToT)  Crab season...they taste good bt i think i'm still more used to our sri lanka crabs which are bigger, this little thing have little flesh...  I did this oh-so-cutesy-and-lolita-ish nails...ToT at 10 SD.  People selling belt by the roadside..  This is the only pic i like from my trip, an old beggar, prolly in his 70-80s, begging at the center of the road while it's raining, contrasting the diamond advertisement he's kneeling towards. My cousin told me not to pity him cos they're professionals, bt still...  Pic taken on the train. it's autumn now and every frame is beautiful.  Current Location: Chaotic reality
Current Mood: Misses China
Current Music: Pop Star-Ken Hirai
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